


Melting

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 14:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11382519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: After Tom and B’Elanna’s wedding Kathryn is having a moment… or two.





	Melting

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Fic101 Challenge](http://community.livejournal.com/fic101/). Thank you to Kat Lady for the beta. Hugs m’dear.

He found her… finally. She was sitting alone in the darkened mess hall, her stockinged feet propped on the coffee table as she stared out the viewport at the passing stars. There was a mug of coffee the size of a small bath tub cradled in her hands, the remains of a chocolate mud cake sitting beside her on the couch and a half eaten tub of what looked like strawberry ice-cream melting on the floor beside her.

“Kathryn?”

She turned towards him slowly, a ferocious scowl on her face. “What!?”

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“If I had to guess, I’d say that you’ve been inhabited by a voracious alien, who’s trying to eat its host into an early grave.”

She looked sideways at him again and took a long draught of her coffee. “Wrong.”

He took a seat opposite, sticking his legs out in front of him and crossing them at the ankles. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“No.” She poked at the icing on the cake as he sat back into his seat and rested his hands across his stomach, watching her.

He knew what was wrong, but he wanted her to acknowledge the reason as well.

She’d officiated at Tom and B’Elanna’s wedding today. It had been a rather rushed, but emotional ceremony, and he knew, for her, it represented yet another reminder of all the things she’d lost. It also brought into focus all the things that she wouldn’t allow herself here in the Delta Quadrant. He’d kept a careful eye on her during the evening as she’d mingled with the happy crew, watching with concern as she’d spiralled down into this puddle of misery. No one else had noticed, but he knew her well and it was now his mission to haul her out of this self made pall of unhappiness before it got a foothold.

“Do you want to pass the ice-cream? Strawberry’s my favourite.”

“It’s Boysenberry.”

He shrugged. “It’ll do.”

Her feet thudded onto the floor and with an irritated sigh, she bent over, picked up the bucket and dumped it on the table in front of him.

“Thanks.” He reached over and picked up the tub and peered inside. “Where’s the spoon?”

She made a point of putting her feet back on the table, and then pushed the spoon towards him with her toe. He gave her a sour look. “Uh, thanks. I’ll get a fresh one.”

While he was in the kitchen he picked up another pot of coffee and a mug for himself then sauntered back to his seat. He plonked the pot on the table and sat down, offering her the spoon and ice-cream. “Want some?”

Kathryn frowned and shook her head.

Chakotay shrugged and dipped his spoon into the cold pink goo. He could feel her eyes on him as he lifted the spoon to his mouth and tasted. His eyes flicked up to hers before she could look away. “It’s good. You sure you don’t want some more?”

“No, damn it.” Her scowl deepened and she pushed herself further back into the chair.

He knew his cheerfulness would aggravate her, and it seemed to be working, but he had a plan. “I know what you’re doing.” He took another mouthful and licked a few drops of the melted ice-cream from his fingers. Her eyes were glued to his movements and her lips pursed slightly as she watched him lick the back of the spoon. He pointed the spoon at her. “Do you want me to tell you?”

She squirmed in her seat and sat up a bit straighter, but refused to take the bait. “I doubt I’ll be able to stop you.”

“You’ve made yourself a list, haven’t you, and you’re working your way through it?”

“Huh?” She looked confused.

“A list of challenges. You know?”

The scowl deepened and her eyes narrowed.

The melted ice-cream was getting a bit out of hand too. It had dripped all the way down to his wrist. He dropped the spoon into the tub and licked it off his wrist and thumb, then rubbed his hands together afterwards to remove the stickiness.

Her eyes flashed but he kept on talking. “I think I know what list it is too.”

“Do you now. Well, why don’t you enlighten me?”

“You’re working your way through the Seven Deadly Sins.”

“How do you figure that?”

“Well, Sloth, Gluttony and Greed are self evident.” He indicated the mess of cake and ice-cream and her, slouched into her seat with her feet on the table. “Pride? Well Kathryn, with you, that goes without saying. If I’m not mistaken, Envy has raised its ugly head this evening, and Anger… well that’s a no brainer.” As he looked at her he shovelled a spoon of ice-cream into his mouth, and with a small pop, slid the spoon from between his closed lips. The ice-cream was gone.

She wished he wouldn’t do that. It was very distracting. But her shoulders sagged at his perceptiveness. She could never get anything by him. What was it with him? It was like she was transparent when he was around. He never seemed to have any trouble seeing past her well constructed barriers. Mind you, tonight she was hardly being circumspect. It was all out there for the world to see.

He waved the spoon at her. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

Kathryn grunted a reply. It was neither a yes nor a no.

“Kathryn?”

This was getting really irksome. She just wanted to hide away here, and be miserable in peace. It was 0200. What the hell was he doing up anyway? “Oh, for God’s sake. What?”

Putting the ice-cream on the table he leaned forward, put his hand on her foot and spoke gently. “I understand and it’s okay to feel this way.”

She was tempted to snatch her foot away, but his hand was warm, despite its close encounters with the ice-cream, and it was nice to be touched. These days she was touched so rarely that even a warm hand on her foot as something special. That thought made her truly sad.

Before his touch made her cry, she pulled her feet away slowly and dropped them to the floor. It was done under the pretext of pouring herself some more coffee, but she was already so full of coffee, cake and ice-cream that she couldn’t swallow another sip.

He was looking at her with soft caring eyes. She acknowledged his look and putting her mug back on the table, she sat up straight and gave him a wan smile.

She felt bad now. Her behaviour had been immature and petty. Shaking her head, she sighed. “No, it’s _not_ okay to feel this way, Chakotay. It’s far from okay. I apologise. You shouldn’t have to put up with this. I’m happy for them, I really am. I’m just being self indulgent and feeling sorry for myself.” She tucked her feet up under her and sat up straight. “Don’t worry. I’ll get over it.”

He nodded. “I know you will, but in the meantime, I’m happy to listen if you’d like to talk. I’ve got a couple of broad shoulders here if you need to unload.”

She grunted out a small laugh and her face softened. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m not sure I want to talk about it. I’m feeling rather ashamed of myself.”

“Why?”

Leaning forward slightly, she studied his face. It was still so handsome, even after all these years, and all the worry and stress.

Like hers it was a little frayed around the edges, a few more lines here, a bit of a sag there, but it was still that kind handsome face that she loved so dearly. She smiled, the first genuine smile of the night. Most of the afternoon and evening had been spent smiling cheerfully, but she had a feeling that Chakotay was well aware that the smiles were forced.

He deserved some sort of explanation. “It’s hard to explain, Chakotay. Not without appearing completely pathetic.” Again she gave him a small smile.

“Don’t worry. I’ll love you anyway.”

Her head shot up and she stared at him. He seemed totally at ease with this revelation. “Chakotay?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Mean what?”

“That you’ll love me anyway, even if I’m pathetic?”

“Sure. Wouldn’t you?”

“Wouldn’t I what?”

“Love me, even if I was being pathetic?”

A frown crept over her features and she contemplated him for a minute.

Chakotay watched her. He could see her mind working, weighing up the pros and cons of revealing her innermost thoughts and feelings, trying to decide whether the vulnerability this engendered was a fair trade for the joy it would bring. He waited patiently, schooling his features to a look of comfortable indifference.

She leant back a little. “You were right about the list. Sort of.”

Hmmm. She was playing for time and he’d indulge her. For now. “I know how your mind works, Kathryn. You’d have a hard time surprising me.”

Her eyebrows twitched with that answer. “I think I’ve still got a few surprises up my sleeve. But you’re right. As much as I was happy for Tom and B’Elanna, I was envious as well. Which of course led to hurt pride, and from there it was a quick slide into gluttony, greed and sloth, and I hated myself for it. That accounted for the anger, and you interrupting my pity party for one also gave the anger a push along.”

“Are you feeling a little better now?”

She gave a slight nod. “Yes, damn it. It’s hard not to with you around.” That made him smile, but she looked away. “I hope they’ll be happy. I’m sure they will. Tom loves B’Elanna very much.” She looked back at him. “I’m sorry for my behaviour. You don’t think that they noticed, do you?”

“No, no one noticed but me. You hid it very well. You always do.” Chakotay leant forward and topped up his mug, offering her the pot, which she declined. He decided to push a little. “Have you decided yet?”

She pretended not to understand. “About what?”

“Whether you’d love me anyway, even if I was being pathetic?”

Her lips twitched. “Well, you’re being pretty pathetic at the moment and I still do.”

He grinned at her. “Hey, I resemble that remark.”

For the first time all night, she laughed out loud and watched as he grabbed the tub off the table, took another mouthful of ice-cream. It was, however, more cream than ice at this point.

Still smiling, she slid back into her seat and with a calculating glint in her eye, she contemplated her companion. “You know…..?”

“Hmmm?”

“I haven’t finished the list yet.”

“Haven’t you?”

She shook her head and stood up. “And I like to finish what I start. I’m renowned for being thorough, you know.”

“Yes, you are renowned for that and I’d hate you to break such a virtuous habit.” He placed the tub of ice-cream on the table. “What did we leave off the list?” As she made her way towards him, he counted them off on his fingers. “Pride, Greed, Envy, Gluttony, Sloth, Anger and….”

Kathryn was in front of him and he started to stand, but with her hand in the middle of his chest, she pushed him back into his chair. Before he knew what was happening, she plonked herself in his lap and kissed him hard on the lips. “Lust.”

“Huh?” He stared at her in shock and she laughed.

“Lust was last on the list and I think we owe it to my reputation of thoroughness to explore this particular item.”

“In the interest of maintaining your reputation, I have to concur. And of course, we are explorers, aren’t we? But at the risk of sounding pathetic…..”

“I love you anyway.” She leant forward and brushed her lips across his.

He hummed and grinned at her. “….. I think we should go back to one of our quarters before we indulge.” He had his arm draped around her shoulder and one hand was stroking up and down her thigh.

He stood and she slid from his lap. “Kathryn, are you sure about this?” He cursed himself, but he had to ask.

She placed both her hands on his chest in a very familiar gesture, but there was an edge of intimacy about it now. “I’m absolutely certain. In fact, I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. I can’t go on like this. I need you.”

He kissed the top of her head and stroked her cheek. “We need each other. Come on.”

They quickly gathered up the remnants of Kathryn’s binge and recycled them on their way out of the mess hall.

They walked slowly down the corridor to the turbo lift and within moments were standing outside the doors to her quarters. She turned to him as she keyed in the code, and with a smile said matter-of-factly, “My bed is bigger.”

He muttered under his breath. “You weren’t kidding when you said you had a few surprises up your sleeve.”

She chuckled. “Never underestimate a woman full of coffee, chocolate and ice-cream.” And taking his hand she pulled him through the door.

 

_End_


End file.
